FanBoys
by Tear-U-Apart
Summary: It's time for a little snag, bag and tag starring: Pete and Steve-Viva Las Vegas style. Humor and hijinks run amok in this tale, so give it a try, I promise its painless; unless it makes you laugh too hard and then some pain may be involved.


Disclaimer: The characters used in this piece of fiction do not belong to me, they be SyFy's beyotches. I'm merely borrowing them for my amusement and hopefully yours too.

A/N: This is officially my first WH13 attempt and I thought what better way to come crashing through the door than with some laughs, via Pete & Steve. So if you've read the summary and are committed to this thing, let's get this one-shot going in Pete's POV. (I don't write in the third person, just putting that info out there.)

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_**-:[FanBoys]:-**_

* * *

"We got a ping...Pete, Steve pack your bags because you're going to Las Vegas." Artie announces lumbering into the dining room, just as I'm plowing through my fourth scone for breakfast, and I almost choke when he throws down the files for the mission. "So enclosed with the case file is a reservation packet for Rio Suites, and all the information regarding the artifact."

I start to speak with my mouth jammed full, but Artie's grumpy look makes me swallow everything roughly and my throat begins to burn as I start to speak. "What about Myke's and Claude, why can't they swing by on their way back, because I'm so over Vegas?" I ask while reaching for another drool inspiring scone, but Steve slaps my hand away-hard. I frown at Jinks, but he just smiles and winks at me. "Ouch Jinsky," I mutter under my breath, but I quickly bring my attention back to our grouchy boss. "I mean seriously Artie the last time I almost did my version of a fly by over Viva Las Vegas, thanks to that old but cool magician dude and his hot granddaughter."

Artie scowls and adjusts his man bag on his shoulder. "Myka and Claudia are still wrapping things up in Tokyo, and last I checked you don't appear to look all that busy right now, Pete." He replies frowning at me, and I shrug my shoulders and grab another scone quickly before Jinksy can stop me this time. I take an oh so delicious large bite, and then I hear Artie clear his throat. "So what are you two waiting for, a formal invitation?" I look at Artie and continue to chew. "Pete, get up out of that chair and take that scone to go...move it!"

I get up a little too quickly out of my chair and my back catches, "Ouch!" I turn to look at Artie, because Steve already has his file open; being the total teacher's pet that he is, still he doesn't hold a candle to Myka in that arena. "What about the ping Artie? I mean aren't you even going to..." I start as I reach back to the dining room table and grab my file off it.

Artie pushes his glasses up on his nose; man those things always seem to wander down his nose, until he looks like Ben Franklin with hair or something. "Do you see that little brown folder in your hand?" I look at the file in my hand, but make no effort to open it. "It will tell you all about it, and you can call it me making amends for not letting you go on that ping with Myka a few years back about that wrestling team." He says while pulling out a chair at the dining room table.

"So it's about a wrestling team?" I ask looking between Artie and Steve.

"No!" Artie growls.

"Porn?" I continue innocently, but a smile breaks out on my face because I surprisingly hear Jinksy try to mask his snigger.

"Of course not!" Artie says loudly. "Now go pack...leave these premises...flee!"

I jump up from the table and quickly run from Artie's angry eyebrows; Jinksy is already at the stairs that lead up to our rooms. "Damn, how did you get away from Artie so fast, what are you a Buddhist ninja now or something?"

Steve looks at me like I have something stuck in my teeth, "No Pete, I just got going when Artie said to, because I don't want to stick around to see how mad I you usually get him."

"You still have no sense of humor Jinksy, and we're going to have to work on that during our trip together." I say as I push past Steve up the stairs. "Because I have faith in your abilities my young padwan."

"See that's funny." Steve says flatly, and I stop and turn on the stairs to face him.

"But you're still not laughing."

"I told you I'm not a laugher." Jinksy retorts, as he passes me on the stairs.

"Yeah right, and no drooling on my shoulder when you fall asleep on the plane!" I shout after Steve, and then just before I hear his door close: "Be that as it may, I do think the sheer number of wrestling t-shirts you own is pretty funny." He replies, right before the hinges on his door give a muffled squeak.

'That's not even funny.' I quietly say to myself, as I take the stairs shaking my head; while trying to think of a plan to get back at Jinksy for that low blow about my comfort wear.

* * *

After a three-hour plane ride and the usual hustle of getting a rental car, Steve and I arrive in Las Vegas. Pulling up to the hotel I put our little rental; which is a black and completely boss Dodge Challenger R/T, in park and just allow myself to be cradled in its awesomeness. I lazily glance over at Jinks, who shakes his head at me and gets out of the car. God, I so loved revving this bad girl up when we climbed into her, because I knew Myka would've never let me rent something this cool. And the drive time wasn't nearly long enough, so I sigh and revv her up once more; absolutely loving her throaty purr, before I open my door and hand her over to the valet. I watch the valet rumble away in my black beauty, and then I finally notice my surroundings. I laugh excitedly and rush over to Jinks, who is also just standing in front of the hotel taking in the view.

I stand alongside Steve and slap him on the back lightly. "A Star Trek convention, now Jinksy this is badass and the coolest assignment ever rolled into one." I stretch my arms out wide to embrace the moment. "Not to take anything away from H.G., but this is my idea of a modern utopia."

At Steve's silence I drop my arms and turn to look at him, and he has his hands in his pockets, while his eyes scan the gathered crowd of people out in front of the entrance of our hotel. "Yeah I can see the final frontier alright, people dressed up as Klingons, Vulcans and Star Fleet Captains."

The sarcasm in Steve's voice makes me laugh. "Nooo Jinksy...if only you could appreciate this scenery through my eyes." I put my hand on his shoulder. "and what I see is a lot of hot women in costumes," My eyes lock onto a passing nuclear hot honey pie with an amazing rack. "That are carrying around Klingon battle axes."

"Hmmm, so not my type and you know that." I feel Jinksy tugging out of my grasp; I look directly at him and smile, as he readjusts his coat. "Pete, we're here to snag, bag and tag an artifact; not a warm body for you for the night."

"So you being my wingman tonight is out of the question, huh?" I tease.

Steve smirks knowingly and wags his finger at me. "You know Myka warned me about what a slut you are."

I suddenly feel like giving Steve a wet-willy if he doesn't stop pointing that finger at me. "I'm not a slut, the ladies are just drawn to the 'Pete-Dog' and I think it would be unfair to turn them away." I say while watching the blonde Klingon hottie with the battle-axe, who is talking to an equally hot and tall brunette, dressed as Uhura.

"Your truth scares me sometimes." Jinks says, drawing my full attention back to him, as he walks away. With a groan, I tear my eyes away from Miss. Who-I-Would-Love-To-Klingon-To-You-For-An-Hour-Or-Two and friend, to scramble after Steve as he enters the hotel. I finally catch up with him right as he walks into the Pavilion Ballroom, and low and behold a giant replica of the U.S.S Enterprise is hanging from the ceiling.

'Holy bananas.' I say to myself, while almost tripping over my own feet and bumping into Steve's back.

"Easy there, Pete." He says moving me back out of his personal bubble. "I'm going to go check us in and get our room cards."

I nod my head and just stand there soaking in Star Trek in all its awesomeness and I its loyal disciple.

* * *

Hearing the Farnsworth doing its best dying bee impression on the nightstand, I reach over and snap it open. "Talk to me Goose."

"What...never mind. Pete, the command chair will be on display in the one of the three ballrooms in the hotel; the Brasilia..."

"Bra..." I interrupt, but Artie just clears his throat. "Or the Miranda Ballroom."

"Miranda is a hot name." I interrupt again smiling at Artie's funny annoyed look.

"Where's Steve and why are you naked?" Artie asks and I look down at my body and smirk.

"I'm not naked," I reply, raising one eyebrow at Artie. "I'm still getting dressed and Steve is next door in his room." I smirk and sit the Farnsworth down on the nightstand, and bend down to tie my shoes. "But since you called maybe you can help me with the whole shoe tying thing papa bear."

"Child." Artie retorts flatly, "Anyways, the chair is in its dormant state, so gloves are still necessary and Pete I called because under no circumstances are you to sit in it, do you understand no sitting down in that chair! The original owner never sat in it, because he didn't want to ruin it. So no sitting for reasons I shouldn't have to state, because if you do it will no doubt lead to having to destroy it like James Braid's chair, and we can't have something like that happen again now can we?"

I smile at Artie, "I promise not to sit in the chair Papa, no matter how tempting it will be." I look off into the distance with my chin up, "And to not boldly go where few men have gone before."

"Enough Pete, get Steve!" Artie says loudly; his tone way past testy.

"Alright, don't get your eyebrows in a twist." I grab the Farnsworth off the nightstand and walk across my room to the door that adjoins mine and Steve's rooms.

"You know he's probably changing too." I suggest thoughtfully.

"Get him." Artie says bluntly; his eyebrows going into scary mode, so I knock three times on Jinsky's door, almost singing that song while I do it. Steve doesn't answer right away, so I decide to have a little fun and irritate Artie some more.

"Farnsworth for you!" I shout, but still don't get a response, so I press my left ear to the door; no movement.

I lean back and knock three times again. "Room service for Mr. Jinks!" I say, and then suddenly I get a crazy idea, so I wink at Artie's impatient glare while I knock again.

"Me fluff your pillow?" I ask while doing a foreign woman's accent.

I snicker and knock again. "You want me to..."

"Do not finish that sentence." Steve says lowly, after opening the door forcefully. "Because I did see that movie." I just laugh and twist the Farnsworth around so he can be face to Farnsworth with Artie.

"Steve, don't let Pete sit down in that chair."

I quickly flip the Farnsworth back to me. "I'm not stupid and I get it Artie, loud and clear. So Kirk out," I say before angling the Farnsworth back to get Steve in the frame, "and Spock too." Almost unbelievably Jinksy actually salutes Artie, Vulcan-style.

I close the Farnsworth laughing, and then I notice Steve looking at me, or more obviously noticing my open shirt. I smirk and stuff the Farnsworth in the back pocket of my pants. "I can give you a gun show too, you know." I tease, while fluttering my shirt a bit.

Jinksy makes a face like he just sucked on some sour candy. "No, just no! Please button your shirt already!"

I decide to have some fun with my gay partner, why not; I tease Mykes all the time too. "I'm sexy, cause I work out." I sing, as I open my shirt and let it fall down my shoulders a little.

Steve closes the distance between us and punches me in my biceps a.k.a one of my sweet guns, and I groan at the sharp pain. "Pete if you're bi that's cool, but don't set your sights on me as boyfriend material," Steve says smiling, and the obvious sarcasm is hard to miss. "Because you're not my type."

I rub my arm and glare at him. "What do you mean I'm not you're type?" I retort, as I pull my shirt back over my shoulders. "I've got some seriously nice guns, I'm funny, cute and..." I let my shirt fall open again to give him another no charge show. "Oh hell, go on honey don't be shy you can run your hands over the washboard anytime."

"If you open your shirt in front of me again, I will tesla you." Steve threatens, but I only half-way buy it.

"I love it when you talk dirty." I retort; channeling as much smarminess as I squeeze out of that timeless one-liner.

Jinks closes his eyes and exhales deeply, I close my shirt a little and notice how Stevie Endless Wonder Boy is dressed; dude is rockin a black bomber jacket and looking oddly cool for usual Jinksy standards.

"Hey are you doing that Buddhist thing where you ignore me?" I ask smiling.

Jinks exhales loudly, "If only there was a technique for that, but for now will you please just finish getting dressed."

It's almost as much fun trying to get under Jinksy's skin as it is Artie's, so I decide to have a bit more fun; I open my shirt again and start playing with my nipples. "Can't you see how much I want you to be my man friend?"

"Just stop okay," Steve closes his eyes and he looks like he's in pain. "Let's just go and move some furniture."

"Don't you dare call Captain Kirk's chair just furniture!" I say with mock contempt, as I finally button up my shirt.

* * *

Our target was being held just off the Brasilia Ballroom; in a fairly tame security vault, and once we hooked it up to one of the Warehouses decryption toys, it made the lock look like it should be riding the short bus back to school.

"Kirk's Enterprise Command chair from the original series." I croon while running my purple-gloved hand over the timeless black vinyl. "Can you feel that Jinksy, this chair is imbued with pure Shatner?"

"Sure Pete, I can feel the arrogance and bad acting from over here."

Just as I'm about to come back strong, Steve continues. "I don't get it, according to the file this sacred chair sold back in 2002 to a private collector. And I don't see why they would loan it out for a Trekkie convention, knowing some superfan would most likely try to steal it."

I stop fondling the chair, "I'm just glad we don't have to goo this and I would pay money to watch somebody try to get a five finger discount with this thing." I grab the back of the chair and lift a bit. "Because this thing is heavy, but still I would love to have this bad boy in the position of honor in the Pete-Cave."

"Careful there Kirk, wouldn't want you to strain something." Steve says, in a clearly mocking tone.

I roll my eyes, "What the hell does this chair even do anyway Jinksy?"

"Do you ever read the file?" Steve asks, I just shrug and then I hear my stomach rumble. Jinksy just makes a face at hearing it roar, as he pulls on the purple gloves with a snap. "It bestows a sense of power Pete, and the longer a person sits in the chair; they can potentially amass enough energy to implode." He answers, while circling the chair; he almost looks like he expects it to attack him.

"Damn, I was hoping it did the 'Beam Me Up Scotty' deal." I say while moving around the chair, and try to decide how much effort I'm really going to put into moving this thing.

Steve grabs the armrest and back. "Pete, just get that end so we can hurry up and get this thing in the crate and out of here." I watch Jinksy bend down lift his end with his legs, "A little help here would be nice."

I grab the same spots as Steve and lift; on the opposite side and lift, and I was right this thing is heavy. "Damn it man! I'm a Warehouse agent not a mover!"

* * *

After sercuring our prize, I was more than eager for a stretch on a nice comfy bed-by myself. But once Jinks and I stopped in the overrun lobby of hotness, the deal was so off.

"Ooo la, la mamacita. I spy with both eyes a hot '7 of 9' dead ahead," I gasp, but then I turn to Steve and grasp both of his shoulders. "Cover me Iceman, I'm going in." I finish using my best Tom Cruise impression.

"What?" Jinks asks, "Oh right, never mind...I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah, remember you and Claudia made me watch Top Gun after the Grant's flask mission."

"Oh yeah." I laugh, and clap my hands together. "Well, I can't let her getaway because you don't know how long it's been since I broke up with Kelly, but let me tell you it's been much too long, so I gotsa get my groove on because if I don't that's a direct violation of the Pete-Directive."

Jinks makes a face, "I so didn't need to know that about you, but now that we have the Throne of Shatner we should go."

I laugh and rub my hands together, "Jinksy the night is young and this mission was easy-peasy, and now I just hope she is as easy as I am." And with that I follow my intended into a karaoke bar named the Voodoo Lounge, but once I step inside its kind of steampunky with a grunginess; which reminds me more of Mos Eisley than anything that you would see on Star Trek. But I guess the reason behind that is because on Star Trek they had a bar that had no name or theme. I pull on the cuffs of my jacket and scan the room, and I finally spot my runaway honey pie. She is leaning against the bar and that skin-tight suit is showing off all her goods. 'I got a ray gun in my pocket.' I think to myself smiling, as I make my way towards the bar. The place has a good vibe, and playing up to the Sci-Fi crowd the music of choice is William Control, personally I would like it better if they were blasting some Rev 22.20 by Puscifer, which is my soundtrack to love the ladies to.

"Pete, come on lets go."

I jump a little and turn around; my hand clutched to my chest. "Shit Jinksy, has Mrs. Fredrick been giving you tips on how to sneak up on somebody?"

Steve smiles, "No, but if it's any comfort you aren't exactly hard to surprise right now, as highly distracted as you are."

I frown and turn back around towards the bar, and sure enough my hot little trekkie is still leaning against the bar; only now she is nursing a drink, and God how I would love to be that glass right now. I mentally try to send out my feel good vibes, but unluckily some other dude, who is dressed as Worf, has moved over to talk to her. Unlike me though, he isn't cute or boyishly handsome; so I watch as she turns away from his advances. And then she finally looks at me, I give her my best smile and she smiles back. But I suddenly realize I have the celibate Buddhist breathing down my neck still, and I'm certain he has been talking the entire time.

"I see why Myka punches you a lot now." Steve says frowning, clearly catching onto the fact that I wasn't paying attention to him.

"Hold that thought." I say quickly, before I leave Steve standing in the middle of the room and strut my way over to my future alien lover.

I notice her eyes trail over my body, and I love that she's liken' what she's seein'. I stop less than a foot from her; I don't want her to think I'm some personal space invader. "Hey, there beautiful."

"Hey yourself handsome." Her smooth sexy voice washes a really pleasant vibe all over me and I smile wider at her.

"The name's Pete." I say offering her my hand, and she takes it; her soft hand lingers in mine.

"7 of 9." She says flatly and robotic; I laugh, because I love a woman with a sense of humor and boobs. "Seriously, my name is Charley with a 'y'."

I laugh lightly, "I like that Charley with a 'y'."

Suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder, so I turn around to find another tall blonde looking at me; Steve. "What?" I say through my teeth. He frowns and I wave my hands in surrender in case he decides to punch me, because he punches hard too, like Mykes. "Hey, hey, hey...just hold on a minute there Jinxsy." I say while I turn around and wink at the tall slim blonde that is eye-sexin' me up.

Steve laughs politely, "Excuse us for a minute Miss?" And he grabs me by my arm pulls me away from the bar.

"Manhandling Jinksy, manhandling!" I say going for as childish as I can sound. I can hear Steve grimace over the Daft Punk song filling the room now, and finally he lets go of my arm. So here I am with a mad Jinksy staring me down with his arms crossed over his chest; he's worse than my mother. "You do know I was busy trying to hook up with my new lady friend over there?" I say in a high pitched voice as I adjust my pants, and rock back on my heels smirking.

"Pete, your new friend is not a she, but a he." Jinks says under his breath. I laugh and I can't help but notice Jinks protective streak applies to not just Claudia and Myka, but me too.

"Jinksy, have you gone all Charmin Extra Soft on me?" I ask smiling, and Steve rolls his eyes. "Are you worried She-Ra over there will tie me to the bed and make me her love slave, because dude that's like one of my top ten fantasies."

"Look you have your vibes," Steve says seriously; my funny joke sailing right over his head. "And I have my built-in lie detector, and like it or not something about her rings of dishonesty to me, Pete."

"Could it be because she's not actually a Borg?" I retort.

Jinks frowns, "Why can't you just keep it in your pants until we get home?"

"Oh for crying out loud!" I huff. "You already threw me off my game with that cute flight attendant on the plane, so stop being such a cock-block already." I reply rather snappish, making Steve look a bit startled. I smile at him and lower my voice. "Plus, I'm a grown man and I have needs." I add looking back towards the bar as I wave at Charley, who lifts her drink at me. "And Jinksy no way that's a dude, cause dude looks like a lady to me, and besides I'm getting a really knock down sexy vibe from her."

Steve shakes his head, "I give up, see you tomorrow Pete." He says loudly before turning, and I watch him leave the bar. Oddly I notice that no one is up on the stage, then see the sign that karaoke doesn't start until 10. 'Huh, I guess it's better when everybody is drunker.' I say to myself, while buttoning up my blazer as I head back to the bar.

"Problems?" Charley teases playfully, while swishing what smells like a cranberry vodka around in her glass.

"Nah." I reply adding a dismissive wave for good measure. "Steve, the dude who just left is my work husband and he's all grumpy," I make eye contact with her. "Because I found a beautiful woman in a skin tight blue cat suit, me-wow-wow by the way; to spend some time with before I have to leave tomorrow."

Charley smiles at me, before she finishes off her drink. "So he's not your boyfriend?"

I shake my head, "No...Hell no." Charley laughs, so I move closer to her. "Would you like to go back to my suite and assimilate with me, you know I could make sure all your Borg parts are functioning."

"Well you're awfully cute," Charley says as she runs her hand over my arm resting on the bar. "And since you're leaving far too soon, I don't want to pass up an opportunity for a good inspection."

And just as I'm about to tell her it won't be 'good', but instead it will be Tony the Tiger 'Grr..reat!' my cell phone beeps in my jacket pocket. Right now I wish I could ignore it, but I can't since I'm still technically on the clock. "Sorry, let me just check this real quick and then I'm all yours." I say while smiling at my very own willing and ready '7 of 9' who is almost as hot as Jeri Ryan, before fishing my phone out of my pocket. After pulling out my cell I slide my thumb over the screen; unlocking my phone, and I honestly can't say I'm surprised to find out that it's a text message from Steve. _**The 'chair' is being put on the plane now, and the 'replica' is in place. See you tomorrow at check out, and don't forget to check for a 'bulge' before you buy and then remember 'no glove no love'...Spock Out!**_

I make a face at the message, as I quickly text Jinks back. _**Don't hate the player! And boobs are boobs. Also not gay dude but open-minded and did I mention it's been a long time?**_ I laugh while hitting the send button, and then I silence my cell phone; tucking it safely inside my inner left jacket pocket.

Turning my attention back to Charley, I flash my best flirtastic smile and lean in closer to her. "So...meet me in suite fifteen-ten for tonight's Pete special; a one hundred and twenty-point inspection?"

_-:[END]:-_

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**Soundtrack:**** "Self Esteem" by The Offspring, "Heaven Knows" by ****The Pretty Reckless, "Shoot To Thrill" by AC/DC & "Fun Night" by Andrew W.K.**

**Parting Words:**** I'm personally not a 'Trekkie' and there is nothing wrong with being one if you are, believe it or not I just enjoy doing research. Clearly I do dig sci-fi though, just more along the lines of Firefly and Battlestar Galactica for starters, as far as T.V. goes. This was mostly inspired from all the 'Trek' love WH13 has spread around in quite a few episodes; casting included. One last thing, be forewarned that my first attempt at Bering & Wells is materializing and will be arriving soon; depending on how this is received.**


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